The Zombie Paradox

21908412_10213938148149593_1288151070_o(1)As many of you probably know, my latest book is There Are No Zombies In America (henceforth known as TANZIA in this document) is not a zombie book. There are no zombie hordes wandering the streets… except JB’s, but that doesn’t count. There are no brutal imagery of zombies eating people… except the Youtube videos, but they don’t count. I’m getting off topic here. What I am trying to say is that this is not a zombie book.

So the problem here is zombies are mentioned in the title of the book yet it is not a traditional zombie book. Trust me, I have read hundreds of zombie books, and this is not one of them. Yet the people that generally buy zombie books will steer away from it like a steer from a slaughterhouse. And the people that generally don’t buy zombie books, they will fly from it like a fly from Mr. Miyagi’s chopsticks.

So the dilemma is such, how do I lure the steer to the slaughter house and trap the fly in the web. In short and with fewer mixed metaphors, how do I sell this damn book. One of my readers, the wonderful Stan Davis, helped me some by reading the book and posting a wonderful review. Then he sat down at his computer and designed a new cover for the book that he thought better captured the mood of the story. I am deeply grateful to him for his generosity. 21908384_10213938070787659_1804164850_o

But now what. Sales are still slow coming, yet the reviews have been very good. I am thinking of doing a free weekend of the kindle version, but I’m not sure it will help any. It is a book I want people to read, and I am not even concerned about the money as much. Any ideas or suggestions are welcome.

Cheers,

Rob

 

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Still no Zombies

My new book is out and getting some great feedback. Right now, I really want to just get it out there more. I want to get this book in as many hands as possible. I just don’t know how to do it. I’m not a marketing guru and I certainly not a salesman. Hell, I’m an awkward glance away from being a recluse, three inches of beard away from being a hermit. So how should I go about getting this book out there?

I’ve decided a teaser is in order. The segment below is from chapter 1 It is where I introduce Angel, perhaps my favorite character I’ve ever written about.

 

So Dustin, after Israel fell and the virus spread (we call it a virus, everyone does, but the general public has no clue what it is. I am a part of the clueless general public.) said to me, “We need to start preparing to protect ourselves. We need to be ready for it when it hits state side.”

I agreed whole heartedly and got up to get another Grande Skinny Caramel Macchiato with soy. When I returned, Dustin was gone. Angle was sitting where he had been. Angle is a sweet girl, but not a girl I or anybody had ever been sweet on, if you know what I mean. She is a Chinese American. Her face is Chinese (these are her words, her joke, not mine. I wouldn’t say this if it wasn’t how she described herself.), but her body was all American. Angle wasn’t round; she was a rhombus cube, like an eight-sided D&D dice. She often described herself as the square peg. Her real name was Angela, but she got the nickname Angle back when we were in college. I was pursuing a history degree, Dustin was pursuing media communications, and Angle was pursuing teaching and became a geometry teacher at a nearby high school. Now Angle has two meanings. Go figure. Irony was so much better before the zombies. Now nobody takes time to appreciate the ironic.

“Nobody takes time to appreciate the ironic anymore,” I said.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Angle can’t curse at the school, so for the first hour after arriving at the coffee shop, she is a vulgarian to make Eddie Murphy blush.

“I just told the barista that my name was Bob Upperton.”

Angle looked at me like I was dachshund pissing on her pillow. “What the fuck does that mean? Are you fucking retarded? That’s not even irony, you brainless cow fucker.” None of this was said with any malice or with any desire to offend. That’s just Angle’s way after school. She really is a sweet person.

“So how was your day?”

“Like being stuck in a colostomy bag with Gilbert Godfrey.”

 

That should give you a feel for the kind of story it is. Thank you for reading.

Robert Holt

Book Review: Reduced by Robin Tidwell

So I am trying to get back to the book reviews, since I enjoy reading back and remembering how I felt about them. I wanted to talk about a book titled Reduced by a fellow St. Louis author, Robin Tidwell. I have to say, I didn’t love this book. I really wanted to love this book because it had a lot of really cool features. The books leading characters are all bad-ass, strong women. The structure of surviving the apocalypse was presented in a fun fashion that really drove the story forward in a fresh way. And I found the first half to be truly amazing. That’s when it took a political turn. The book framed the apocalypse to be liberalism run rampant. As a man that refuses to define himself as a Democrat because I am far to the left of the do-nothing party, I found Tidwell’s conclusions to be ridiculous, ill-informed, and quite silly.

I really don’t have a problem reading fiction from a perspective that differs from mine, but it still must keep me in the story. Just as any time-travel story written by an author that doesn’t understand Relativity (most of them) will lose me, Tidwell lost me by writing a story about liberal mindsets without understanding liberal mindsets. The end result was that my suspension of disbelief was shattered and I found myself arguing with the book rather than enjoying it.

With that said, conservatives may find this book to be just the one they have been looking for.

I read this book almost a year ago. I never posted the review because I didn’t want to hurt the author, as she is really a wonderful person that I respect. I recently wrote a book, There are No Zombies in America, that is perhaps just as guilty of the same things I criticize Tidwell of, but from the other side of the spectrum. I realized I would be delighted if someone wrote a review of mine in this manner. So I am posting this review, and only hope Robin will forgive me.